I just knew it..

according to buddhism all the sex is 邪淫,it abstain u from awaken,but in the real life,ppl could never do that .

i think u r talking about pre marriage sex ,right.It's also a moral issue.I think if u love her,and u keep ur promise,it's ok,since now it's modern era.

i was so wrong, at first was told that having intimacy with other than one spouse is 邪淫. Never never knew it was otherwise. Like that no need marry liao

having intimacy with person other than spouse is no good ,especially when u r  married.淫 is still no good,i hope my word is not misleading.

i know pre marriage sex is definately wrong. But even with married couple are restricted;

什么是邪淫呢?所谓邪淫,除了强奸.嫖妓.通奸和兽奸是邪淫之外,就连婚前性行为.同居.同性恋.手淫.口淫和意淫也都是邪淫,换言之,只要是和法定配偶以外之人或同性或物进行性行为或模拟性行为,都是邪淫o就因为邪淫是人神共愤.犯罪和见不得光的行为,所以佛家才会认定”万恶淫为首”

Originally posted by Fyn.loy:

i know pre marriage sex is definately wrong. But even with married couple are restricted;

什么是邪淫呢?所谓邪淫,除了强奸.嫖妓.通奸和兽奸是邪淫之外,就连婚前性行为.同居.同性恋.手淫.口淫和意淫也都是邪淫,换言之,只要是和法定配偶以外之人或同性或物进行性行为或模拟性行为,都是邪淫o就因为邪淫是人神共愤.犯罪和见不得光的行为,所以佛家才会认定”万恶淫为首”

i think with married couple r acceptable,if everyone practice that strictly ,there will be no more human race ,anyway buddhism is just a choice ,u can choose what's right and wrong urself

淫 is an attachment (greed). If our attachment to sexual desire grows stronger. It will hinder our Buddhist practise. Therefore, even 正淫 should be controlled and reduced over time if we really hope to become a better Buddhist through a mind purifying process.

Originally posted by Fyn.loy:

I just knew it..

Sources of the information?

Originally posted by rokkie:

according to buddhism all the sex is 邪淫,it abstain u from awaken,but in the real life,ppl could never do that .

No, not all sex is 邪淫. Sexual intercourse between a couple is not 邪淫.

Originally posted by Fyn.loy:

I just knew it..

As long as they are faithful partners and are faithful to each other (do not have relationship or casual sex outside), then that's fine. Some people did not get married but nevertheless remain faithful to each other for life. But casual sex between friends or strangers is not fine.

Marriage is only a social and cultural norm, the Buddha never demands people married, he is only concerned whether you are faithful to your partner. Perhaps, marriage may not even exist for some cultures. So what is important is not 'marriage' but 'faithfulness'.

Originally posted by rokkie:

i think u r talking about pre marriage sex ,right.It's also a moral issue.I think if u love her,and u keep ur promise,it's ok,since now it's modern era.

If young ppl get into BGR they should avoid sex for practical reasons -- not to get pregnant, they're still studying, they may not stay together for long. They are not ready to start a family yet. Always be mindful that abortion is killing and be responsible for both your child and your karma. Use contraception whenever necessary.

So it's not that sex is inherently wrong without marriage, with or without marriage is only a social and cultural behavior. What is important is to use wisdom, and of course, be moral -- i.e. be faithful to your partner and not have extramarital affairs.

Originally posted by Fyn.loy:

i was so wrong, at first was told that having intimacy with other than one spouse is 邪淫. Never never knew it was otherwise. Like that no need marry liao

Buddha is not particularly concerned with the specifics and 'official' marriage, he is only concerned about the quality of a true relationship. He never mentioned about marriage in his teachings. All these differs from culture to culture and the traditions of the people.

He however taught this:

30. "In five ways should a wife as the western direction be respected by a husband: by honoring, not disrespecting, being faithful, sharing authority, and by giving gifts.

"And, the wife so respected reciprocates with compassion in five ways: by being well-organized, being kindly disposed to the in-laws and household workers, being faithful, looking after the household goods, and being skillful and diligent in all duties.7

Originally posted by Fyn.loy:

i was so wrong, at first was told that having intimacy with other than one spouse is 邪淫. Never never knew it was otherwise. Like that no need marry liao

Don't worry, still can marry.

Undesirable sexual behaviours are quite broad, so after understanding more, as  Buddhists, we should slowly eliminated them one by one according to our abilities and circumtances. The first few examples of undesirable conducts are easy to indentify and be given up easily and naturally. I think you are more concern of sexual behaviours between a truly loving couple.

What JiKiat said is very true. So I think even sexual behaviour between married couple should not be overly excessive. One reason is that does such behaviour really neccessary for relationship bonding? Or has it more to do with sexual gratifications for oneself? I think once we are clear of this, we will know what to do naturally, no worries. Just like eating meat, we can chose to eat less or give up totally, or don't care at all. But  i do agree that our partner play a big role in achieving the way of life we want to lead. So, chose your life partner carefully, don't cohabitat so fast.

Of cos, normally, a married couple would like to have children of their own, in this case sexual intimacy is neccessary for procreation purposes. But I think after our 'quota 'of kids have been achieved, and/or both partners have come to a certain age ( sorry, just my opinion, I feel married or unmarried senior folks should not indulge in this anymore, but spend more time and resources on wisdom building),  we should understand that sexual conducts are just that: sexual activities. Such pleasure attachments should be drop if possible.

Originally posted by An Eternal Now:

If young ppl get into BGR they should avoid sex for practical reasons -- not to get pregnant, they're still studying, they may not stay together for long. They are not ready to start a family yet. Always be mindful that abortion is killing and be responsible for both your child and your karma. Use contraception whenever necessary.

So it's not that sex is inherently wrong without marriage, with or without marriage is only a social and cultural behavior. What is important is to use wisdom, and of course, be moral -- i.e. be faithful to your partner and not have extramarital affairs.

pre marriage sex is regarded as a moral conduct.And before marriage we all say beauty words to each other,but in fact there is no bound for the two.After marriage ,at least there is a form called law to protect this relationship.So in asian, ppl try to restrict pre marriage sex.

and i think why buddhsim restrict sex, is because it make u lose control of your mind

妄相消除现智光
大佛顶如来蜜因修证了义诸菩萨万行首楞严经白话（上）

http://bodhihut.17.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?t=1160

大佛顶如来蜜因修证了义诸菩萨万行首楞严经白话（下）
http://bodhihut.17.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?t=1158

Originally posted by rokkie:

pre marriage sex is regarded as a moral conduct.And before marriage we all say beauty words to each other,but in fact there is no bound for the two.After marriage ,at least there is a form called law to protect this relationship.So in asian, ppl try to restrict pre marriage sex.

and i think why buddhsim restrict sex, is because it make u lose control of your mind

Marriage is just a formality and as you said a 'legal bond', and the culture of marriage differs from places. Some partners stay faithful to each other without marriage and I think that's perfectly fine. On the other hand some people are married but yet do not stay faithful to each other.

What's important is 'faithfulness' so of course one must be committed to the other. Marriage is a way to stay committed so it is preferable for most people and there are benefits from it. But I don't think it's a 'must'.

As for pre-marital sex, it should be avoided if one knows that the relationship will not last or one is still not sure. Also, as I said earlier, one must be ready to raise a family. If one becomes pregnant and thinks of abortion, that is being irresponsible.

Originally posted by An Eternal Now:

Marriage is just a formality and as you said a 'legal bond', and the culture of marriage differs from places. Some partners stay faithful to each other without marriage and I think that's perfectly fine. On the other hand some people are married but yet do not stay faithful to each other.

What's important is 'faithfulness' so of course one must be committed to the other. Marriage is a way to stay committed so it is preferable for most people and there are benefits from it. But I don't think it's a 'must'.

As for pre-marital sex, it should be avoided if one knows that the relationship will not last or one is still not sure. Also, as I said earlier, one must be ready to raise a family. If one becomes pregnant and thinks of abortion, that is being irresponsible.

i feel that most ppl who don't want to get married ,is because they don't want to fulfill responsbility,without marriage ,u can suddenly broke up with ur gf ,bf.If a man don't want to marry his girl ,i don't know the reason,is it because he is not sure about the relationship?faithfulness is important,but with marriage ,it's secured.I think there r some section in law punish the unloyal wife or husband.
Most country encourage marriage,because it guaranty the relationship.And marriage is a form ,that ur relationship is protected by law.And i don't see the differring culture of marriage,family is basic union of society,as long as every family is harmony,society will be harmony,and steady.with the family ppl will not do extreme things,that's an important factor about family or marriage

Originally posted by rokkie:

i feel that most ppl who don't want to get married ,is because they don't want to fulfill responsbility,without marriage ,u can suddenly broke up with ur gf ,bf.If a man don't want to marry his girl ,i don't know the reason,is it because he is not sure about the relationship?faithfulness is important,but with marriage ,it's secured.I think there r some section in law punish the unloyal wife or husband.
Most country encourage marriage,because it guaranty the relationship.And marriage is a form ,that ur relationship is protected by law.And i don't see the differring culture of marriage,family is basic union of society,as long as every family is harmony,society will be harmony,and steady.with the family ppl will not do extreme things,that's an important factor about family or marriage

Yes I think marriage is still the best option

Originally posted by An Eternal Now:

Yes I think marriage is still the best option

and i think faithfulness is tricky ,having sex with someone else u don't love is unfaithful or love someone else u don't laid is unfaithful ,it's hard to say

Originally posted by An Eternal Now:

Yes I think marriage is still the best option

i was wondering ,r u looking forward to marriage in the future ,or u want to devote urself in buddhism,never married.no offence

Originally posted by rokkie:

i was wondering ,r u looking forward to marriage in the future ,or u want to devote urself in buddhism,never married.no offence

Hard to say...

buddha also get married ,and have a son,maybe.because at that time it's not acceptable for ppl being alone.

go for dinner liao

Originally posted by rokkie:

buddha also get married ,and have a son,maybe.because at that time it's not acceptable for ppl being alone.

He had a son, his son was Rahula, he became a monk at 7 years old. His wife also became a nun. Both of them attained Arhatship.